I know, I know–this title sounds too good to be true. Deconstruction is a painful process, often filled with a roller coaster of emotions. Grief being number one. How can I tell you that deconstruction is a good thing?
If my life has taught me anything–
It's that often the hardest things we go through can become the strongest groundwork for a new season.
This may not be news to anyone who has lived for more than 20 years, but it may be a new lens with which to view your deconstruction.
My deconstruction happened at a really painful time, mostly surrounded by other people of faith who viewed my messy, honest process as one of strong backsliding and immaturity.
I lost many hours of sleep and avoided many social outings because I felt so entrenched in a process I was being told I should be avoiding altogether.
It didn’t help that in the eyes of people comfortable in their stage of spiritual growth, deconstruction can often seem like the path of immaturity.
It was a very long journey of throwing away beliefs, trying new ones on, completely letting go of belief altogether, etc., before I finally began to consider–
What if we viewed our deconstruction as the beginning of a more genuine encounter with life?
I am not saying that your deconstruction will lead you into a deeper or newer spiritual experience, though it might. And regardless, that is a valid and very real experience.
It is also totally valid if it needs to take decades before you can find any value in deconstruction at all.
However, for me, in my experience, my deconstruction was the most important process in my entire life development, spiritual and otherwise.
It challenged me to get comfortable with myself and my own, MANY, character defects. It made me reach out for help. Find community. Read and experience new ideas. Travel. Go to graduate school. Become somewhat confident and competent as a human. Date people. Etc.
Deconstruction was a kind of rock bottom for me, where I had to fall, to let life teach me how to rebuild life as a more nuanced, deeper, and hopefully, more balanced self.
If you are going through your deconstruction process, take heart. There will be a day you will look up and be on the other side, feeling relieved, and maybe even grateful for the experience.
If you are already on the other side of deconstruction, I wonder:
How do you view your own deconstruction now? In what ways might have it been good for you to go through?
Another way to ask this, maybe, what did you gain from the process?
Remember, easy does it, and take care of yourself. Reflection can be retraumatizing if we aren’t careful.
Happy Writing,
Jo
“If you are already on the other side of deconstruction, I wonder:
“How do you view your own deconstruction now? In what ways might have it been good for you to go through?
Another way to ask this, maybe, what did you gain from the process?”
From the “other side,” I would say it is the greatest thing that ever happened to my seeker self.
In effect, rejecting God was the key to finding God.
What I “gained” is what’s called “awakening” in various circles, and is what I think Jesus references as the “kingdom of Heaven/God”.
It is both better than advertised, and utterly overblown. I truly believe that anyone who seeks finds. Full stop. So, in one sense you can’t not get there, and in another sense, you are already there. 🙏